Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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