I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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