Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are two peas in an std pod
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
