I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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