careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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