WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize