My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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