Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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