i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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