me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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