I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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