Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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