i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize