i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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