it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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