he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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