i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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