youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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