I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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