I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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