we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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