He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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