i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize