Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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