I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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