Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
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Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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