i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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