I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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