Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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