I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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