You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize