I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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