I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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