I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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