Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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