just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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