I wish my penis had an off switch
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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