yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize