This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
