i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize