there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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