He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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