I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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