I accidentally burped into my bong.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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