a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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