i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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