I could have mohawked her pubes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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