dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize