that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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