why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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