you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize