i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize